Federal Rebate
Along with the welcome chirps of returning robins, spring brings an unpleasant sucking sound I hear every April 15. That’s when the government extends a vacuum hose from the treasury to my savings account to siphon off more of academic english writing the nuts I’ve squirreled away. The pattern is so predictable, I give it little more than a passing thought. I simply frown and bear it.
This year, however, the government has me very confused. My accountant informed me the IRS would not be satisfied with the amount I paid-in over the course of the year, and would get into a bit of a snit if I didn’t fork over more, along with a penalty for good measure. My accountant then added, come May, I would receive a government rebate check. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but somewhere along this chain of events there seems to be a breach in logic. On one hand, the government is saying I have more than I deserve, while on the other, it is saying “Here my son. Take this money; go forth and spend.”
For some, the rebate may seem like manna from heaven, but it places me in a quandary.
At an early age, I recognized people fall into two categories: spenders and savers. I don’t know what determines which we become. Perhaps it is environmental or some genetic switch that arbitrarily flips one way or the other. I do know that even closely related people can be at opposite ends of the spectrum. When my older brother and I were kids, I imagined watching his pants go up in flames every time he stuck a quarter into his pocket. To him, money received was money to be spent. I figure his philosophy must have been: “There’s more where that came from.” I, on the other hand, believed anything I received was potentially the last cookie in the jar. I kept a firm grip on as much as I could. With the avarice of Midas, I’d count my nickels and dimes with delight. I kept a careful accounting of my fortune on the lid of a handmade wooden strongbox where I kept other valuable assets: my “black beauty” shooter marble, a big wad of beeswax I received in a trade for two plastic army men, and a piece of real petrified wood. When I heard there were people who would pay me more money to keep my accumulated wealth in their strongboxes, the idea of saving became even more attractive.
Over the past several years, economists and financial analysts have stewed over the rise in personal debt and the dramatic decline in household savings. While there is disagreement over the accuracy and significance of the numbers, most seem to agree it is an undesirable trend. With this in mind, I’ve felt pretty good about my thriftiness and penchant for saving.
This brings me back to that problematic rebate check. Instinctively, I would like to put it right back where it came from – my savings account. The government, however, has something else in mind. While it goes against my grain, I don’t want to be labeled as an enemy of the state or become as infamous as Mrs. O’Leary’s cow. Think of the shame of having someone enter your name into Wikipedia and reading the following description: “The miser who failed to spend his rebate check, thereby initiating the great economic recession of 2008.” It would be a heavy burden to bear.
Reluctantly, I’ve decided to do the patriot thing and spend my government rebate. Where I spend it, however, is something that cannot be taken lightly. If I make the mistake of putting it into the hands of another saver like myself, I could still be indirectly responsible for an economic collapse. No, I have to be sure that whoever I give it to has a solid track record for freely spending money with little or no concern about running up astronomical debts. I wonder if the government has an online store.
Have a profitable day,
Jeff Irish
